


Hide and Seek

by Amaratta



Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-28
Updated: 2013-07-28
Packaged: 2017-12-21 14:40:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/901468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amaratta/pseuds/Amaratta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He thought he had long buried his heart, yet all it took to bring it back to life was one Shinigami with orange hair. Now he'd give anything not to feel that way. But even if he could hide from the world, could he truly hide from himself?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Kuchiki Byakuya strode down a street of Rukongai, liking the feeling of being unrecognized. After all, if he had wanted to be regarded as either a Shinigami captain or a head of a noble family, he would have worn his captain uniform along with a kenseikan and a scarf and walked down a street of Seireitei instead of wearing just a simple blue yukata.

It had been a long while since he stepped on Rukongai’s street, the last time being when he had gone out to save Rukia from a Bount, and it had been much longer since he stepped into that small teahouse where he had first met his wife.

The place hadn’t changed much from how Byakuya remembered it, except that Hisana was no longer working there, hadn’t been for the past century. Normally, he would avoid that place for it brought back too many memories, but this time, he was there on purpose. He needed to remember Hisana just so he could preoccupy his mind completely that it could not wander to one certain orange-haired Shinigami.

It didn’t work.

It seemed that thought was rebellious like Kurosaki Ichigo himself, which meant that the more Byakuya tried to push it to the back of his mind, the harder it would fight to reemerge. Now his mind could only stay focused on the fond memories of him and his late wife for a minute, but then it would travel back to Ichigo.

And that was when Byakuya realized his trouble was much deeper than he thought it was.

The head of the Kuchiki clan had grudgingly admitted to himself a long time ago that he was attracted to one Kurosaki Ichigo. However, unlike many of Ichigo’s fan girls, the leader of the Sixth Division knew his attraction was going nowhere. The Lord knew he had tried to move on. Yet, moving on wasn’t easy when the boy would always be there to tantalize him, especially now that Ichigo had been accepted to the Gotei 13 and placed as a captain of the Third Division.

Sometimes Byakuya thought Ichigo might know about the effect he had on him so that he kept taunting him with his presence, giving him false hope of intimacy by calling him by his given name, but then he quickly dismissed that possibility. Somehow, he didn’t think it would be the way the boy would react if it were the case. Ichigo wasn’t a type of man who would intentionally play game with other people’s hearts. The worst thing he could do was to say he was sorry that he couldn’t return Byakuya’s feeling and then avoid him completely for the rest of his Shinigami days.

Byakuya closed his eyes and sipped his tea. Suddenly, the hot tea seemed cold.

It was late in the afternoon when Byakuya left the teahouse. His day in Rukongai had been a complete waste of time. Having been away from the Gotei 13 and Kurosaki Ichigo didn’t help him clear his mind. Even worse, it had underlined his problem, so now he wasn’t entirely sure he could see that Shinigami without betraying his own feelings.

With one last look at that street, Byakuya made his way back to Seireitei.

* * *

Ichigo didn’t even know why he headed off to the Kuchiki manor soon after the end of his work-hour. It was true that it was unusual for Byakuya not to show up at his office for two days in a row when the man was never once late for work, but even then, it shouldn’t have Ichigo concerned. After all, it wasn’t like they were friends.

Anyhow, the orange-haired Vizard zoomed his way there, and before he knew it, he was already crouching on the wall of the Kuchiki estate.

Since sensing reiatsu wasn’t his best quality and Byakuya was probably an expert at masking it, Ichigo decided it would be better to look for the man instead of trying to sense where he was in such a huge mansion.

Much to his surprise, it took less than a minute for him to locate the owner of the mansion.

Byakuya was sitting down against a plum tree with his eyes closed. He was wearing a green yukata instead of his shihakushō. The famous hairpiece was missing from his raven locks, and the expensive scarf was nowhere to be seen. It was a strange sight, and to Ichigo the nobleman looked younger and seemed more like a man than an ice statue he always seemed to be whenever he appeared in public. He looked much different from the stuck-up noble Ichigo had grown to use to seeing, and for some reasons, that gave him an unsettling feeling.

“Oi!” Ichigo called out.

Since the head of the Kuchiki clan didn’t make any move to acknowledge his presence, Ichigo decided Byakuya was asleep, so he called again, louder this time.

“Oi, Byakuya!”

Still, the noble didn’t even stir.

Ichigo scowled. Since there was a possibility that Byakuya was not really asleep but simply ignoring him for no apparent reason, Ichigo decided to try again, using a different method.

“Oi, Byakushi!”

If using a singsong voice and calling him by the nickname that was fondly given to him by Yachiru still couldn’t annoy man enough to get up and shoo him off, then Ichigo didn’t know what else could.

Still, Byakuya didn’t respond. And at that point, Ichigo really believed something terribly wrong had happened to Rukia’s brother.

Stealthily, the wielder of Zangetsu jumped off the roof and approached to the owner of the Kuchiki house. Just when he bent down to get a better look at Byakuya, telling himself it was just to make sure that the man was fine, he felt a tip of Senbonzakura just an inch below his chin.

Byakuya didn’t bother to open his eyes when he remarked impassively, “If the goal of your presence here is to irritate me, Kurosaki Ichigo, you have accomplished it, so leave.”

More angry than intimidated, Ichigo grunted, “And here I was starting to get worried about you.”

Perplexed, Byakuya opened his charcoal eyes to stare into Ichigo’s amber ones. He had not expected the younger man to reply in such fashion. It sounded almost as if Ichigo was truly concerned.

Refusing to allow himself even a slightest moment of hope, Byakuya put Senbonzakura aside and sat up straight. It was never a good idea to be alone with the Vizard, especially now that his mind was too exhausted to come up with any mean of self-preservation. He needed to get rid of the boy soon or he might lose his emotionless mask and say or do something he would later regret.

“I did not ask you to,” the raven-haired Shinigami said tonelessly. “Now what is the purpose of this intrusion?”

Even after he had asked the question, Byakuya still knew it would be a hope against hope for Kurosaki Isshin’s eldest offspring to simply state his business and then leave. He couldn’t tell why, but ever since Ichigo attained his rank as the Third Division Captain, the boy decided to pester him on a day-to-day basis, just like the late Ichimaru Gin had once done before he betrayed Soul Society. However, Ichigo had proven to be much worse annoyance than the former Third Division Captain since at least Byakuya never had to deal with Ichimaru outside of the Gotei 13’s ground the way he had to deal with Ichigo.

“Well, I’m just here to see if you’re still alive,” said Ichigo. “You didn’t go to work for two days, and it’s not like you to just skip work. Not that I’m actually worried or anything, but I’d rather not face Rukia’s wrath if anything should happen to her beloved nii-sama in my watch. You see, she has a habit of beating the crap out of me when she’s angry.”

Byakuya almost sighed when he heard the name that escaped Ichigo’s lips. Of course, it was always about his adopted little sister. Why else would that boy care about him when they were only colleagues, and the only personal relationship they had was through the girl? To think that Ichigo would care about him beyond the fact that he was Rukia’s brother would be just wishful thinking. It was Rukia who was truly important to Ichigo, and not him. In fact, he wouldn’t be surprised if someday the orange-haired boy would come to ask for his sister’s hand in a marriage, and if that day should come, Byakuya could see himself giving them his blessing. He just hoped it would be after he had found a way to deal with his own conflicts.

“I am physically fine,” Byakuya remarked. Technically, he didn’t lie. There was nothing wrong with him physically. He was just having an emotional problem. “Now that you see it, there is no more reason for you to be here.”

As he finished his line, Byakuya picked up Senbonzakura and stood up, wordlessly suggesting that Ichigo follow his example.

Ichigo frowned as he too stood up. If he wasn’t mistaken, it was the second time in less than a minute that the man told him to leave. Normally, Byakuya would find a more subtle way to get rid of him as he had commented it himself that Ichigo didn’t respond well to a direct order. However, this time, Ichigo could only think that the man had wanted him gone so much that he didn’t care about being subtle, and it made him wonder why.

At that point, Ichigo could only think that the little change in Byakuya’s demeanor took place because the older man was trying to avoid something, namely his questions. Perhaps the Shinigami was annoying him so he wouldn’t have to tell him about why he had been absent or where he had been.

With that conclusion, Ichigo ignored Byakuya’s word and pressed, “If you’re well then why didn’t you go to work?”

“Yamamoto-sōtaichō kindly allowed me to have one week off. I shall return to work next Monday. However, I cannot see why you need to come here to ask me this question when my fukutaichō could have given you the same answer.”

The Vizard groaned as he had realized his mistake. He should have known better than to assume that Byakuya would simply be absent without leave when he had told himself the man was too responsible to even be late for work. Now he didn’t think it was right to doubt that the older Shinigami had something to hide about where he had gone to while he was not working either. Still, something about this incident bothered him. He just couldn’t tell what it was.

“If there is nothing more I can do for you, I would like to be alone.”

Ichigo’s scowl was deepened. It was the third time in that brief encounter that Byakuya had tried to get rid of him, and he wasn’t being subtle about it either. In fact, he was downright rude. Ichigo couldn’t tell what had possessed the nobleman to treat him that way again after Byakuya had decided treated him more politely since Ichigo became a Shinigami with an equal ranking.

“Why are you in such a rush to get rid of me?”

The head of the Kuchiki clan wanted so much to scream his answer, but not only would it be uncharacteristic of him to do so, it would also be unintelligent. Ichigo didn’t have even a slightest idea of the battle that was raging in Byakuya’s head. If only he did, he wouldn’t have asked such idiotic question. Not that he really wanted that man to find out anyway.

It took a lot of self-control for Byakuya to keep his stoic mask, but there was still a barely detectable edge to his voice as he replied, “You don’t really want to know the answer.” He then turned away. “Excuse me.”

Honestly, the imprudent Vizard didn’t know what kind of answer he expected to hear from the noble Shinigami, but that was certainly not one of the answers he was looking for. He had had enough, and if all Byakuya wanted was to get under his skin, then the man was successful. However, this time, Ichigo decided not to be the only one who snapped.

“Don’t you dare turn your back on me, Byakuya,” Ichigo grunted, seizing Byakuya by his left elbow to stop the man from leaving. “I asked you a question, and I want an answer.”

It would be much simpler for Byakuya to jerk his elbow away from Ichigo’s hold, but the Kuchiki lord had held so much pride that backing out was too undignified to be his option. Swiftly, Byakuya spun around to face the younger man. His eyes were narrowed dangerously as he glanced at Ichigo’s grip on him before he moved his cold glare to Ichigo’s amber orbs and demanded, “Let. Go.”

Not backing down, Ichigo stared back and challenged, “Make me.”

Ichigo believed he spotted a slight flicker behind Byakuya’s charcoal eyes soon after he made his dare. He had no idea why, but the look made him feel so nervous that if he hadn’t set his mind that he would win this staring contest, he would have already let go of the man’s elbow and fled from the scene. Fighting the urge to fidget under the nameless gaze, Ichigo tightened his grip.

Suddenly, the air in the Kuchiki’s garden was filled with soundless tension, and neither of them budged.

Finally, it was Byakuya who moved first. For a moment there, Ichigo believed the man would reach for Senbonzakura and called for its shikai. However, instead of reaching for the hilt of his zanpakutō, Byakuya grasped Ichigo’s face in an attempt to keep the younger man from moving.

Ichigo’s eyes widened. His vision became blurred when he felt, rather than saw, Byakuya inching closer to him. His breath was caught in his throat, and all alarms went off in the back of Ichigo’s mind as soon as he felt Byakuya’s lips press firmly against his own.

All instincts told Ichigo to pull back, so he did, and surprisingly Byakuya didn’t even attempt to stop him.

Byakuya chuckled dryly as he watched Ichigo backed up a few steps from him.

The Kuchiki lord wore a grim expression on his face. Regret shone brightly behind his gray eyes as he started to reprimand himself inwardly for his reckless action. What did he try to gain from kissing the boy? Hadn’t he done enough to disgrace himself and his family already? He was certainly not in need for more self-disgust, and yet he always found a new way to hurt his own pride.

As he stole another look at the orange-haired Shinigami, Byakuya sighed inwardly in relief that the boy was still in a state of shock. At least, he didn’t have to face with the other man’s rejection then and there, so he should take advantage of the situation. Ichigo could feel free to call him a coward and come after him for revenge later, but right now, Byakuya didn’t feel like staying there any second longer.

“I hope it was enough to answer your question,” the Sixth Division Captain uttered solemnly. “I trust you know your way out.”

When Ichigo looked up again, Byakuya was already gone.

* * *

It was unusual for one Kurosaki Ichigo to sulk, but once he did, everyone in Seireitei knew better than to disrupt him. So, it wasn’t strange that most Shinigami who didn’t want to get up close and personal with Zangetsu would stay a good few miles away from where he was currently brooding, especially now that his reiatsu spiked up erratically.

Ichigo’s mind was clouded. He had fought so many wars, stopped several apocalypses and still lived to tell about them. Yet, something deep down told him he might not make it through the mess that a certain noble had caused.

Kuchiki Byakuya had kissed him. There was no use in denying it when the memories of the whole episode kept playing itself in his head no matter how much he tried to erase it.

Subconsciously, he lifted his hand to his now dry lips.

He could recall the taste of green tea that lingered on the cold noble’s unbelievably warm lips, the firm touch of those calloused fingers against his skin and the scent of cherry blossoms that was uniquely Byakuya’s. He could remember all that, and the kiss didn’t last more than a few seconds.

Realizing what he was doing, Ichigo immediately brought his hand away from his lips and groaned.

If anything could madden him more than the fact that Byakuya had just kissed him for no apparent reasons, it would be his own reaction towards that whole episode.

What the hell was wrong with him, acting like a stunned girl whose first kiss had just been stolen? He wasn’t a girl, and that was definitely not his first kiss. He would be damned if those were the case. He shouldn’t have let the man get that close to him. He should have shoved Byakuya off right in the second the man tried to touch him. And after he was kissed, he should have felt disgusted, sick or violated, then he should have tried to kill that man in rage, but all he did was standing there, dazed and confused.

Something was seriously wrong with this escapade and none of his or Byakuya’s actions seemed to make much sense. The thought of kissing one another should be wrong, if not sinful, since Ichigo and Byakuya were supposed to be very straight and hate each other’s guts.

Then why did Byakuya do it? And more importantly, why was Ichigo almost disappointed when the man let go?


	2. Chapter 2

Ten days wasn’t considered a long time for those who had hundreds or maybe thousands of years to live, but in Ichigo’s case, it was agonizingly long.

It was ironic how Ichigo was chasing Byakuya as soon as the man returned to duty while the stoic Shinigami gave him a silent treatment when it should be the other way around. Yet, Ichigo was better known for his rebelliousness than for his patience, so he believed no one could find any of his actions strange, not even Byakuya himself.

Life was too long to live in doubt, or so Ichigo thought. And that was the reason why he wanted to catch Byakuya alone even for a minute so he could understand their situation.

Unlike the cold noble, Ichigo couldn’t live his life under a pretense. He couldn’t act like nothing happened when something did, and it stirred something deep within him that Ichigo couldn’t put a name to. He needed to know what it was in order to deal with it, and somehow he believed the only way to find out was to understand Byakuya’s motive.

However, the only way to do that was for them to talk, and Byakuya was never known to be cooperative. In fact, the man had avoided him at all costs that Ichigo didn’t have a chance to see him anywhere outside of the captains meeting and if by any chance he could see him wandering in Seireitei, the man would either have a company or disappear before he could catch him alone.

He had tried to be discreet for the past ten days and always ended up with complete failure.

But enough was enough.

Today he would to get his answer. And he no longer cared if the rest of the afterworld should find out.

* * *

Byakuya was in his division’s dojo, testing how well his new recruits were trained. It had been long since the last time he graced the place with his presence, as he had been too busy with other work and had to entrust the training to his lieutenant and other seated officers.

He had to admit it was a good way to fend off the stress he had been feeling lately, although he wouldn’t say that it was a good workout since he could defeat all of them without breaking a sweat.

“Does anyone want to try again?” Byakuya asked impassively, looking around only to find that most of the rookies were too scared to say a word.

“They might want to if you let them attack you all at once, Kuchiki-taichō.”

Byakuya froze for a second. He didn’t need to turn around to see whose voice it was as he recognized it well. However, he was slightly surprised by the way the Vizard addressed him since the boy had rarely spoken his name with respect.

All other Shinigami bowed at the new comer with greeting, “Good morning, Kurosaki-taichō.”

It was then that Byakuya took his cue to turn around. He had wished that the thing that happened between them would be able make Ichigo distance himself from him, yet he knew it was not like Ichigo to ignore what happened and act as if everything was normal. Now there was no room for him to escape. He could tell what had brought the orange-haired man there. It was a matter of time until Ichigo came to him to settle their score.

Bracing himself for a dire answer, Byakuya asked flatly, “To what do we owe your presence?”

“I need a word with you,” Ichigo replied then added in a sterner voice, “alone.”

Byakuya’s expression hadn’t changed even after he realized there was no way Ichigo would let him evade the issue this time. He was a little surprised that Ichigo only demanded a conversation when he always pictured the boy calling him out to a duel to death. For some reasons, Byakuya dreaded having conversation with the man more than having to fight for his life.

“As you can see, I’m still in the middle of something,” Byakuya replied in the calmness that never failed to enrage Ichigo, trying to prolong the conversation.

Since he had expected Byakuya to come up with such tactics, Ichigo didn’t allow himself to get riled. Instead, he stared sharply into Byakuya’s eyes and stated coolly, “From what I see, you’ve just finished, so there’s no reason why you can’t talk to me.”

“Surely, you do not believe that you can just come to my division with your attitude and expect me to comply with your demand.”

“Actually, I do,” Ichigo returned darkly. “I let you have it your way for too long, and it got me nowhere. Now I’m bored with playing your stupid game, so I’m gonna have it my way. We’re gonna talk. I prefer to do it in private, but if that’s not possible then we can do it right here.”

Byakuya’s eyes widened slightly. He recognized the grim determination behind those brown eyes, which indicated that the Third Division Captain wasn’t joking. However, as much as he feared Ichigo would carry out his threat, his pride didn’t allow him to give in to the other man’s demand just yet.

“Is there not a way I can persuade you to drop the subject?”

“No,” Ichigo replied, confirming Byakuya’s thought.

“Then I guess you didn’t leave me with many options.”

With that said, Byakuya reached to touch the hilt of Senbonzakura. So Ichigo reached back for Zangetsu. They stood in that position, staring into each other’s eyes. Tension in the dojo increased.

It was a minute later that Byakuya’s lieutenant approached to the man and suggested timidly, “Umm…taichō, if you …” However, he trailed off when he realized his sentence was completely ignored.

“I know what you’re doing, Byakuya, so if you think getting me all riled up would bail you out on this conversation, you’ll have to think again.”

“Don’t tell me you are afraid.”

Ichigo took a deep breath, telling himself he would not fall for Byakuya’s cheap tricks. He had slain so many Hollows, defeated the Bounts and the Arrancars, however, he had never felt the same hatred toward them the way he hated the man who was standing before him at that exact moment. And Byakuya was supposed to be his ally.

“Please don’t make me laugh,” Ichigo returned. “I can beat the shit out of you and Senbonzakura anytime.”

“Then you shouldn’t have any problem with this bet,” Byakuya said, his voice as toneless as ever. “A sword for a sword, no other tricks except for shunpo. If I win this battle, I don’t ever want to see you again, but if you win, I’ll answer all of your questions and do one thing you command.”

Ichigo narrowed his eyes. “It sounds like you’re using your last resort to escape.”

“You can forfeit if you wish.”

Ichigo growled.

“You've already known I won’t back down. If you want to fight me this bad, then so be it! Whoever draws the first blood wins. Deal?”

Byakuya nodded before he beckoned to his lieutenant, who reluctantly approached to him. He then handed a practice sword to his subordinate then motioned him to step back. When he turned to Ichigo’s direction, the orange-haired boy had already drawn his zanpakutō and stood in his fighting stance. So Byakuya slowly did the same.

“Ready?” asked Ichigo.

The raven-haired Shinigami nodded.

Even after having stood in a safe distance away from the fight, all Shinigami in the dojo still felt like they were suffocated once both captains’ reiatsu rose. And before their eyes could see what was going on, they heard the sound of zanpakutō clash.

* * *

Abarai Renji was in his office, minding his own business, when he sensed something wrong in the atmosphere. He could tell that some reiatsu was spiking up, and it wasn’t just anyone’s reiatsu. The reiatsu was too familiar to him not to recognize. Putting his paperwork back on his table, he sighed.

“Ichigo?” Renji shook his head wearily. “When will that brat learn to control his…?”

Renji froze as he suddenly felt another rise in reiatsu, and it was from someone who was also familiar to him.

“Kuchiki-taichō?” Renji frowned. Then he jumped up as something struck him. “Shit!”

Quickly, he made his way out of the door only to pause when he heard someone called him back.

“A-Abarai-taichō!”

Renji didn’t look at the person who addressed him when he replied, “I’ll be right back. Something serious is going on.”

With that, Renji left in a flash, heading towards the area where he supposed his best friend and his former captain were. Although he knew better than to interfere with the fight of those two individuals, he still had to do it or a certain midget would have his head once she came back from her mission in the real world and found out that he let her brother and her friend cancel each other out without trying to stop it.

* * *

Ichigo lashed at Byakuya who dodged the attack with ease. The tip of Zangetsu missed the man by an inch and slashed into the wall that was right behind the arrogant noble. The wall did not withstand and collapsed to the ground.

Byakuya took that chance to appear right behind Ichigo and struck down only to have his sword blocked just in time before he could draw the younger captain’s blood.

“I’ve already told you, Byakuya. I can see through all of your moves.”

With that said, Ichigo pushed Byakuya off. The older Shinigami jumped backward, brushed a lock of his hair away from his eye, then charged back at Ichigo who had already anticipated it and lunged forward to meet the man half way.

Their zanpakutō clashed again, and this time the force was enough to shake the already unstable dojo. The recruits fled quickly before the place should fall apart. While they wanted to know the outcome of the not-so-friendly match, they believed there were many safer ways to find out.

Seeing that the ceiling was about come down, Ichigo and Byakuya dashed out of the dojo and continued their fight on the field outside.

While Ichigo knew he had an advantage when it came to stamina, Byakuya wasn’t to be underestimated either. If Ichigo were to rely on his brute force, then he knew Byakuya was better when it came to strategy. And who knew what was going on in that noble’s head?

The answer came to him before he even needed to think when Byakuya slashed his blade down toward Ichigo’s left shoulder. Ichigo blocked Byakuya’s blade before he made his own attack and tried to lunge at his opponent in the stomach, yet Byakuya managed to parry it.

As their swords collided yet again, both sensed something in the air and looked at the same direction.

“Renji,” Byakuya declared, remembering how bad Ichigo was at recognizing reiatsu. “He’s heading here.”

“Having an appointment with your ex-fukutaichō, eh?” Ichigo asked, pushing his zanpakutō harder.

Not letting his guard down even in a moment of surprise, Byakuya pushed back. “Does it matter?”

“Can’t afford to let him get in the way,” Ichigo noted. “Let’s go somewhere nobody will interrupt.”

“I believe you already have a place in mind.”

Ichigo nodded and shunpoed off while Byakuya was hot on his trail, leaving all the rest of the Sixth Division Shinigami to stand in awe as none could tell which direction both of the captains had disappeared to.

* * *

If Byakuya was surprised when Ichigo led him to Shihōin Yoruichi’s secret training ground under the Sōkyoku hill, he didn’t show it. In fact, he didn’t even bother to say a word when he continued with the battle.

Ichigo deflected Byakuya’s attack with Zangetsu. Then they pushed against each other for a moment, jumped a few feet backwards then charged in again.

The battle went on for only God knew how long.

The older Shinigami seemed as though he was out of breath and let his guard down a little. Ichigo suppressed a satisfied grin. For once, he was grateful he was forced to spar with Zaraki Kenpachi. Byakuya was getting tired and Ichigo wouldn’t waste that advantage. The Vizard charged in, aiming at Byakuya’s opening.

Byakuya’s charcoal eyes were widened in surprise since he didn’t expect Ichigo to come from that direction. Quickly, he moved.

Blood spattered in the air.

Before Ichigo could even congratulate himself for winning a battle against Byakuya yet another time, his breath was caught between his throat as the image of Byakuya getting stabbed disappeared right in front of his eyes. Suddenly, he felt a sharp pain on his right shoulder so he looked over it to see a gaping wound and his own blood dripping down from the tip of Senbonzakura to the ground.

No sign of injury could be detected on Byakuya’s body as the man slowly sheathed his zanpakutō. His eyes reflected no emotion as he remarked, “It appears this battle is over.”

Wincing slightly, Ichigo remarked, “Utsusemi? You must be really desperate to avoid the conversation that you need to use Yoruichi-san’s technique.”

“I am not,” Byakuya objected. His voice was lower than it usually was and his eyes were hooded when he continued, “I would have agreed to talk to you had you not showed such disrespect toward me in front of my subordinates.”

“I see…” Ichigo narrowed his eyes, wondering if Byakuya was honest. Was he the one to make things difficult?

Quickly Ichigo dismissed the idea. The noble was just trying to put the blame on him when, in truth, he was the one who was being difficult. Byakuya didn’t show any sign that he would be willing to have a conversation with him at all, so it was just another trick. Though he couldn’t tell why Byakuya still needed to use a trick when he had already won this battle.

It was painfully clear to Ichigo that in spite of what the older Shinigami had said, he would simply leave the scene. He had even expected Byakuya to remind him of their deal before he left – this time for good. And while he told himself he couldn’t care less if he would ever see the noble again or not, something deep within him still twitched.

However, Ichigo had to be surprised when instead of heading to the exit, Byakuya walked toward him.

“What are you doing?”

Seeing a guarded stare from Ichigo, Byakuya stopped to gesture the wound on Ichigo’s shoulder.

“I don’t suppose you want to leave it like that.”

Ichigo sighed. He knew he needed to fix that wound, but at that point, he would rather bleed to death before he’d let Byakuya do it – that man had deliberately cut him, for crying out loud! However, Ichigo didn’t seem to have much choice when Byakuya used one hand to grasp his shoulder, forcefully restraining him, and then used another to focus his healing kidō. Ichigo couldn’t understand why the man even bothered when he could just leave. Was it just his imagination or the arrogant noble had really gone soft?

Once the wound was close, Byakuya quickly let go of Ichigo as if he burned. Ichigo looked at his shoulder then back at Byakuya.

“Why do you care?”

Byakuya’s expression was as still as ever when he returned, “I don’t.”

“Then why didn’t you just leave?”

Ichigo wasn’t sure if he was seeing things or there really was a melancholic gleam in those dark grey eyes.

“My true goal for this battle was to get you out of my life, not to injure you or avoid any conversation,” Byakuya explained matter-of-factly. For some reasons, his voice lacked all senses of arrogance and confidence that if they weren’t having the conversation face to face, Ichigo would never believe the voice came from the proud noble.

Looking at Ichigo’s dumbstruck expression, the Kuchiki lord added, “And I doubt you would leave me alone without bugging me for a rematch if I did not at least answer some of your questions.”

“So that’s it? You’ll talk to me just to make sure I’ll be off your tail for good,” Ichigo asked. He felt a pang of an unnamed feeling as he continued, “You’d do just about everything to get rid of me, wouldn’t you?”

The Sixth Division Captain didn’t quite meet the younger captain’s eyes when he replied, “There are still some levels I won’t stoop to.”

Ichigo snorted.

“What could be more undignified to you than kissing another guy?”

Ichigo didn’t expect Byakuya to meet his eyes when he answered the question, yet he did, and Ichigo had never wished the man to wear anything but a stoic expression more than now.

“I can name several, but I don’t believe it really matters,” Byakuya pointed. “So let me ask you what makes you believe I kissed you to get rid of you.”

Now it was Ichigo’s turn to face a difficult question. What made him believe that Byakuya kissed him just to get rid of him? If he were to be honest with himself, then he would realize he never believed so in the first place. However, he didn’t want to believe that Byakuya had any other ulterior motives either.

“It’s the only reason that makes sense.”

“To you, perhaps.”

Ichigo furrowed his brows. The man was and would always be an enigma to him. Even when he was staring right into those charcoal eyes, he was still unable to comprehend the meanings behind the man’s words.

“If that wasn’t your reason, then why the hell did you kiss me?”

Byakuya closed his eyes for a few seconds as he thought his answer through. He could either lie or tell the truth, and it wouldn’t make much difference. He already had Ichigo’s word to stay out of his life. However, he couldn’t think of any benefit from lying while he could see that telling the truth would not only lighten the load in his heart but would also send that man to a farther distance, which was exactly what he needed.

Making up his mind, Byakuya opened his eyes but refused to look at Ichigo when he replied, “Because I wanted to, and I couldn’t stop myself.”

Byakuya’s word echoed in Ichigo’s head. There was no room for misinterpretation. The man whose self-control was far greater than anyone he had ever known had just admitted to kissing him on an impulse. Ichigo might have never been able to read Byakuya, but he wasn’t naïve enough not to recognize the desire was burning behind those eyes.

Ichigo gulped as something was dawned to him.

“You want…me…?”

Byakuya didn’t bother to reply, yet his silence alone was enough to confirm Ichigo’s assumption. Before Ichigo could say anything else, Byakuya turned away from him and headed for the exit.

He stopped right by the ladder and closed his eyes for the moment. His expression was almost the same as the one he had worn before he fled the scene ten days earlier.

“You now understand why I need you out of my life,” said the noble. “I’m sorry for all the troubles I’ve caused to you lately, Kurosaki Ichigo. Sayonara.”


	3. Chapter 3

Renji sighed as he found an amber-eyed Vizard sitting alone in the bar where they usually frequented. Ichigo hadn’t been his usual self lately, but no matter how hard he tried to press, Renji was still unable to squeeze anything out of the orange-haired Shinigami. However, after hearing about the battle from the current lieutenant of the Sixth Division and seeing what used to be the Sixth Division’s dojo, Renji could only come up with one conclusion.

At least for tonight, Kuchiki Byakuya was the source of Kurosaki Ichigo’s disposition.

The red-haired Shinigami didn’t need to search for any sign of injuries on Ichigo’s body to tell that the result of the battle earlier that morning didn’t end in Ichigo’s favor. The look on the young captain’s face alone was enough as a proof, and the empty sake bottles gave just enough idea to tell how bad Ichigo had taken his defeat.

Recalling about the reason Ichigo and Byakuya started the fight, Renji could only wonder what kind of conversation his friend wanted to have with Rukia’s brother. Clearly, it had to be very important or they wouldn’t have been so willing to draw some blood for it. However, Renji couldn’t think of one thing that would be deemed as important by those two.

Knowing that he would need to ask, Renji approached to Ichigo’s table.

“Hey, Ichigo.”

Ichigo blinked before he slowly looked up. “Renji.”

Since the Third Division Captain turned his gaze back to the sake cup without bothering to say anything else, Renji seated himself across to Ichigo without waiting for an invitation. It had just been clear to him then that whatever that topic was, it had bothered Ichigo more than he had first anticipated.

“So what’s with the gloomy look?”

Ichigo glanced at his friend. The look on his face told Renji to mind his own business.

“Nothing.”

Renji grunted as he fought down the urge to strangle the orange-haired man in front of him. He didn’t want to make a scene, yet something about that look of Ichigo ticked him off to the point that he no longer cared.

“Don’t give me that bullshit. I’ve already known you crossed swords with Kuchiki-taichō just this morning, and truth be told, I don’t know if I wanna know what that was about,” Renji said in his coolest tone, his eyes narrowed. “But **_WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING? HAVE YOU COMPLETELY LOST YOUR GODDAMN MIND?_** ”

Ichigo took a careful look at the red-haired man for a moment before he drained another cup of sake down his throat and replied in a gruff voice, “At this point, I probably have.”

Renji stared at his friend, surprised by the response. Maybe he should ask after all.

“Oi, Ichigo. What’s going on?”

Ichigo’s eyes went a few shades darker as he stared at the empty cup as if it was the most fascinating thing in the entire Soul Society.

What was going on?

If Ichigo had any idea how to explain his situation, he wouldn’t be sitting there like that.

He wanted to lash out his frustration on Renji for asking. However, he knew the man had asked with nothing but his very best intention. It was not possible for the red-haired captain to have a slightest clue that his question would only make things worse. Ichigo doubted Renji would ever open his mouth if he did. Still, the question stirred the memory that was already vivid by itself back to the surface of his mind after he had spent the past hours trying to bury it down.

Not that he could blame Renji for the way his mind drifted back to what happened earlier that morning. After all, he didn’t think he would be able to forget what happened under that Sōkyoku hill, and even if he could, he wasn’t sure if he really wanted to.

* * *

**Earlier that morning**

“Sayonara.”

The word of farewell echoed in Ichigo’s head for several times before he grasped the idea of what was going on.

Kuchiki Byakuya, one of the most unemotional men Ichigo had ever known, had just implied that he wanted him and then chosen to walk away.

He couldn’t claim he knew Byakuya all that well nor could he say the man was an important person in his life. Byakuya was simply his colleague, an acquaintance who happened to be his best friend’s brother. It wouldn’t make any significant difference for him if he never saw or talk to the man again. In fact, after all that happened between them, he should feel relieved to know that he wouldn’t need to worry about dealing with said noble.

But then why did he feel as if something deep inside him had twitched? Why did he feel something amiss when he watched that man move farther and farther away?

That man hadn’t even asked him to return his feeling but simply chose to leave, so why couldn’t he just let the man walk away the way he intended to? Why wasn’t he crept out by that unexpected admission and told that noble that he could never feel the same?

Ichigo couldn’t answer all those questions, nor could he tell what it was that made him suddenly regret making that deal. He simply knew that if he didn’t say something, Byakuya would be gone from his life for good and he didn’t want that to happen.

Without thinking it through, Ichigo went after Byakuya. Luckily, the noble didn’t think of using shunpo, so Ichigo caught him just before he left the front room. Ichigo then appeared in front of Byakuya and stopped the black-haired Shinigami from walking out the door.

Byakuya looked at Ichigo for a moment. For the first time since they had known each other, his emotionless mask was not in place. A look of pain and resignation exposed behind the usually steely cold eyes when they wordlessly asked Ichigo what more he could possibly want from the man.

He knew it was his cue to say or do something, and he had better do it fast or the man wouldn’t hesitate to continue on his way.

“You can’t just walk away like this.”

Ichigo said the first thing that came to mind, yet the word and the sound didn’t seem to come out right.

“And how do you propose to stop me?”

The question caught him by surprise, as the Vizard had never thought of how to stop the captain of the Sixth Division. His brain was working like crazy, searching for any means to keep the stoic noble there if only for a second longer.

When Byakuya closed his eyes and turned aside to make his escape, Ichigo knew he had to react fast.

Even later, Ichigo would still have no idea what had possessed him into grabbing Byakuya then pulled the man into a kiss.

Byakuya stiffened.

Having no response from the other man, Ichigo decided to pull back before he humiliated himself more than he already had. At least, then, he could still apologize and blame his action on adrenaline and the previous loss of blood. However, before he could pull away completely, Byakuya lifted his hand to Ichigo’s face, steadied its position then returned Ichigo’s kiss in a more demanding way.

If he had been able to think straight, Ichigo would have known that going along with that kiss would only bring him deeper trouble and more confusion, but at that point, all rational thoughts had already escaped his brain, so all he could think about was the feeling that the raven-haired Shinigami made him feel.

Lost in the sensation, Ichigo parted his lips to welcome Byakuya’s awaited tongue. As their tongues fought for dominance, Ichigo found his left hand raking through Byakuya’s sleek black hair, tugging at the kenseikan while his right pulling off the silver-white scarf.

Byakuya didn’t seem to care much when his family’s heirlooms fell unceremoniously to the ground as his focus was solely on the man who he had been attracted to for even he forgot how long. Quickly, he undid the Vizard’s obi sash, and pulling the black kimono off his body with a little help from Ichigo’s side so he could taste more of the skin he had been longing to feel.

Ichigo couldn’t stifle a moan when Byakuya made a trail of hot kisses down from his jaws to his chest. He had never thought of his nipples as an erogenous zone before the noble brushed his hands sensually over them, making him shudder with every touch. All he could do in return was to stroke the back of Byakuya’s head then the side of the normally stoic face.

He let out a soft whimper when Byakuya deserted the area and wandered down to his navel instead, yet the wail was replaced by a gasp when Byakuya keenly divested him of his hakama, not so innocently brushing his hand past Ichigo’s heated member as he did.

The Kuchiki lord moved back up to meet with the Vizard in another fervent kiss. Meanwhile, Ichigo hastily shred the other man’s clothes and discarded them to the ground piece by piece, hating the way Byakuya was still almost fully dressed after all that time. He wanted to feel more of that ivory skin. He wanted to know how it tasted like.

He wanted Byakuya so bad that he never thought it was possible.

Pressing closer against the not-so-cold noble, Ichigo began mapping Byakuya’s body with his hands. He moaned as he felt their erections brushed together, setting loose a fire in the back of his mind. He could tell from Byakuya’s soft grunt that the contact had affected him the same way, so he didn’t complain when Byakuya grounded his strong arm around his hips and forced him to the cold dusty floor. Instead, he straddled his legs around the noble’s waist for balance and allowed the man to put him in whatever position he wanted.

As he felt Byakuya pulling back, Ichigo began to voice his protest and reached for the man’s broad shoulders to stop him. However, the protest died in his throat and Ichigo’s fingers dug deep into Byakuya’s flesh as he felt the noble finger his opening, touching the spot that made him grow wild with passion.

Woven between pleasure and pain by the work of Byakuya’s fingers, Ichigo arched his back and moved his hips in search for more of that feeling. He hissed when those fingers left him, but cried out in pleasure as soon as the man slid his throbbing member smoothly inside of him.

Byakuya moved slowly at first, but the way Ichigo bucked his hips to meet him thrust to thrust rid him of all kind of restraint. So he let his primal urge take over and plunged deep into Ichigo with hunger and need, unable to care less if the younger man could keep up with his pace.

Their pulses raced and their paces quickened. With another powerful thrust, they came.

* * *

Lost in the power of their releases, Ichigo lay still, trying to catch his breath. He didn’t mind the weight that was on top of his body, but the cold floor began to bring him back to the reality of his situation.

What had he just gotten himself into?

He came to Byakuya, asking for an explanation, but once he got it with full demonstration, the answer somehow failed to make him see things clearer. In fact, what they had just done wasn’t going to solve any conflicts they were having, and worst of all, it just added another unneeded complication into their lives. He didn’t want to think of the consequences of what he himself had initiated, but Ichigo knew he couldn’t avoid thinking about it either.

Slowly, he opened his eyes and cast them to Byakuya.

Amber met grey.

Ichigo believed he spotted something akin to regret and disgust flashed through Byakuya’s eyes just before the Kuchiki lord averted them. Although he didn’t think the look of disgust was directed at him, it still gave him a feeling of discomfort. He shifted.

Byakuya took Ichigo’s slight movement as a cue to retreat from the Vizard. Shifting his weight, he gathered himself up and started putting on his uniform.

Although Ichigo knew it was inevitable, he couldn’t help feeling bereft once the man did. He missed the warmth that left him once Byakuya had moved away, and yet he couldn’t do anything else but follow the man example and also dressed himself quickly.

The silence between them had never been that awkward before, and now Ichigo’s mind raced with more unanswered questions.

Since Byakuya was having his back to him, Ichigo couldn’t see any expression on the aristocratic Shinigami’s face, not that he thought he would see anything but an impassive look. Yet, he wished to see it for he believed it might help him figure out what he should say next and what had become of them.

Still, no word came.

Byakuya had done his shihakushō in a record time. He paused a moment when he picked up his scarf and hairpiece from the dusty floor. A look in his eyes changed when he looked at them before he keenly wrapped the scarf around his neck then placed the kenseikan in the fold of his kimono.

The Kuchiki lord didn’t bother to glance at Ichigo’s direction when he put Senbonzakura in place and walked off. However, before Ichigo could even think about calling the man back, Byakuya stopped by the threshold of the door and uttered in voice that was slightly dryer than normal.

“I trust you will keep your end of the bargain.”

Without waiting for any response, the noble was gone in a flash.

Ichigo was numb as he watched Byakuya disappear.

While he knew he had a good chance to catch the head of the Sixth Division if he followed the man then, he didn’t see the use of wasting his energy. There was nothing left for him to do or say unless he wanted to look pathetic and clingy in the eyes of the Kuchiki lord, and that was the last thing he wanted after his already tangled emotions.

He knew exactly what Byakuya was talking about. He had made a deal to stay out of the man’s life, and that man had just chosen the worst time possible to remind him of it. Still, he was a man of his word. If Kuchiki Byakuya truly wanted him out of his life, Ichigo would respect the man’s wish. That was the end of it.

He didn’t need that man, he never had. It would be easy to stop thinking about what had transpired between them and labeled it as a mistake that should be quickly erased from his mind. He loved women, not men, and it was some kind of madness that made him actually enjoy that man’s touches.

There was no use in thinking about it when no matter how good it felt, he would never allow it to happen again – ever.

Ichigo sighed and picked up Zangetsu.

Now all that was left for him to do was to convince himself of that conclusion. It shouldn’t be too difficult, that was, if he could just ignore the fact that it made him feel like someone had just stabbed a hole through his heart.

* * *

“Oi, Ichigo. I was asking you a question.”

Renji said, snapping his fingers in front of Ichigo’s face to bring Ichigo back to the present.

Ichigo blinked as he tried to clear his mind. Sometimes he wished things were less complicated so that he could bare his soul to someone. However, it wasn’t something he would be proud to announce to anyone else, even when that one was a man who had been a good friend to him for decades.

“Sorry, what was your question again?”

Renji sighed.

“Never mind, you’d probably tell me it’s none of my business again. At any rates, just go home and get some rest already,” the red-haired man suggested. “You look like you’re already drunk.”

“I don’t feel like leaving just yet.”

The captain with tattooed eyebrows grunted as he tried to imagine what a certain dark-haired midget would say to their obstinate orange-haired friend if she were there. He allowed himself a smile as he could see Rukia literally beating a sense into Ichigo’s head, telling him to stop showing such a pathetic look on his face.

“Yeah, whatever, but I’m not carrying you back to your quarters if you pass out,” Renji said. He then sighed before he added, “Anyway, I still have to say this isn’t like you.”

“What isn’t?”

“You know, to just sit and sulk,” the wielder of Zabimaru pointed. “The Ichigo I know will just do everything in his power to get what he wants, to hell with consequences.”

Ichigo’s lips curved up into a sardonic smile. Renji was right about that attitude of his. He always acted first then thought about the consequences later, but he knew that it wouldn’t help get him out of the predicament he had gotten himself in.

“It’s that attitude that got me this deep into trouble in the first place,” Ichigo pointed bitterly, “Besides, how can I fight for what I want when I don’t even know what I want anymore?”

The red-haired Shinigami didn’t reply, but even if he did, the answer would still not reach to Ichigo’s ears as the orange-haired Vizard’s mind had once again drifted back into his own world, tuning out all that was happening around him.

He was in deep, Ichigo realized. But what was the use in knowing the depth of his trouble when he had absolutely no idea how to climb out of it? What was the use of knowing what he wanted if it turned out to be something that wasn’t within his power to reach?


	4. Chapter 4

It was safe to say that any observant Shinigami would know that the captain of the Sixth Division always used the same route back and forth between his manor and his office. Yet, since nobody dared to watch the habit of Kuchiki Byakuya more closely, no one noticed how the man’s paces would become slower once he reached to a certain corner of the main Gotei 13’s passageway that linked between divisions as if he was expecting someone or something.

It had been more than a decade since Kurosaki Ichigo first decided to show up at that exact spot to intercept Byakuya in the middle of his way to the office just to bug him with whatever came to his insolent mind at that moment. At first, he only did so every once in a long while, but the longer the time went, the more frequent he showed, and before either of them realized, the vibrant Shinigami already turned up there every morning.

Nobody understood why Ichigo should form that habit, and Byakuya had always been more concerned about how to suppress his annoyance than to spend his time wondering what that boy could possibly gain from coming there to pester him.

Yet, the strangest thing about that situation was that Byakuya had never thought about changing his path. The Kuchiki lord had always convinced himself he chose to use the same direction because he refused to show that he was bothered by such childish behavior. He always believed it was his pride that kept him from being the first to back away, but now he began to wonder if those really were his reasons.

Could he possibly keep using that same track because in some sick and twisted ways, he actually enjoyed Kurosaki Ichigo’s teasing?

Byakuya paused.

It had just been less than a week since he last saw that vivacious captain of the Third Division, yet a part of him already hoped Kurosaki Ichigo would be there and act as if nothing wrong had occurred between them.

Byakuya remained there for a few seconds before he quickly continued on his path, mentally berating himself once he realized that that day he actually stopped there to look around for that said orange-haired Shinigami when he should have known better than anyone that Ichigo would not come. He had already made sure of that.

It was ironic, yet Byakuya still had to admit to himself that as much as he was annoyed by the ever so pestering presence of Kurosaki Ichigo and had done everything in his power to shun him, he never truly wanted the man out of his life. It was absurd that he felt so strongly for the man who he had once made a pledge to kill with his own hands, to desire him so much that he had lost control of himself and to have that empty feeling in his chest when that boy was finally gone.

Byakuya sighed softly. Those feelings shouldn’t even exist.

After having drowned his heart in his tears for his late wife, Byakuya told himself emotions were good for nothing except for causing weaknesses. So he had sealed his heart away with Hisana’s premature death and never allowed himself to feel anything for anyone again. It was the only way to guarantee that he would never get hurt. For years, he had lived only for the rules of Soul Society, the honor of his family and the promises he had given to those who had passed away, but never again for himself.

He had been doing just fine until one Shinigami with striking hair color came crawling his way into his life, challenged everything he had ever believed in and unknowingly stirred up an unnamed feeling that Byakuya was less than comfortable with.

What was that feeling anyway?

At first, the Kuchiki lord thought it was a mere attraction, something that would die down after having ignored it for long enough. Yet now, he knew how wrong he had been. It didn’t fade the way it was supposed to, but instead, the more he tried to ignore it, the more intense it had become. And now it had left him with a mixed-up state of mind.

Perhaps it was lust. But shouldn’t he lose interest after having gotten what he lusted after if that was the case? Shouldn’t he be satisfied then able to move on easily instead of craving for more and missing that man the way he did?

Still, he refused to acknowledge it as love for it was not the same kind of feeling he had felt for his late wife.

With Hisana, he wanted to protect her and cherish her, but when it came to Ichigo, everything was more intense and more passionate that sometimes he couldn’t tell if he wanted to cut up that man with Senbonzakura or simply fuck him senseless.

The fact that he had done both in the same day could only intensify his problem.

It had been a long time since the last time he allowed anything to cloud his judgment. What had possessed him into revealing that much to Kurosaki Ichigo? He had to be out of his mind to have given in to that pent-up passion that should have been buried deep in the dark of his soul. He should have had better self-control than to respond to that kiss.

And what had compelled Kurosaki Ichigo to initiate it anyway?

Byakuya wasn’t certain. Perhaps the boy returned his feelings, or perhaps he only did so out of pity. Perhaps it was just another prank gone too far. However, unlike Ichigo, he couldn’t find himself seeking the boy out for an explanation. It had already been too late for that, and he would be better off without knowing.

Once again, he sighed.

What was the use of trying to define it when he had made sure to kill any chance it would ever develop? Why couldn’t he just be contented with the fact that Kurosaki Ichigo would no longer be there to irritate him? His life would be much simpler that way.

 _‘Do you honestly think that it’s easier now that you’ve forced him out of your life?’_ He heard a voice within him asking, and he knew the voice wasn’t his own.

Byakuya chuckled inwardly. It was funny Senbonzakura should choose that time to contradict him when she should have known better than anyone that he was already facing some sort of dilemmas and the last thing he needed was someone telling him he had chosen the wrong path.

Refusing to give her a direct answer, he pointed, _‘It’s all for the best.’_

_‘The best? And who said it was the best, may I ask? Was it Kuchiki-taichō, Kuchiki-sama or Kuchiki Byakuya?’_

_‘Are they not the same?’_

_‘No, they’re not,’_ she replied. _‘Kuchiki-taichō’s responsibility is to Gotei 13 and Soul Society, Kuchiki-sama’s is for his family while Kuchiki Byakuya’s is only for himself. I feel the last man is fading away lately.’_

_‘He died the second his wife took her last breath.’_

_‘I’ve been under that impression for almost a century, but there’s a proof that he’s still alive somewhere within your cold shell,’_ she noted softly before she added, _‘Now that it’s melting, it might be a good time for you to allow him to live once again. You have lived for other people’s sake for long enough, Byakuya. Maybe it’s time you sought your own happiness.’_

Byakuya’s charcoal eyes were narrowed then he remarked in his most sarcastic tone:

_‘Surely, you are not suggesting that I go after that boy and profess my undying love to him.’_

_‘That would be an interesting thing to see, although I’m sure you’d rather commit seppuku than to do that,’_ she commented. _‘No, Byakuya, I was just saying that you don’t need to feel like you’ve betrayed Hisana by letting someone else into your heart. You have mourned for her for a century and that’s a long time in anyone’s standard, so maybe now it’s time for you to let go of the past and start embracing what life has to offer you. I didn’t say anything about Kurosaki Ichigo. You were the one who brought his name up and suggested that it was him that would make you happy.’_

_‘Do not put words into my mouth, Senbonzakura.’_

The zanpakutō sighed wearily.

 _‘I merely state what you refuse to admit,’_ she remarked. _‘It’s not as wrong as you see it, Byakuya – the idea of you and him together.’_

Byakuya hissed.

 _‘Of course, it isn’t exactly something I would call conventional. He’s a man, after all,’_ the zanpakutō quickly added. _‘It would sure raise a few eyebrows, but I don’t recall you ever caring about what the rest of the world should think about you. So why is it different this time?’_

 _‘Because I don’t want to want him, and even if I did, by now, he’d probably realize his mistake and convince himself that he should erase it from his memories,’_ the head of the Sixth Division replied solemnly. _‘Not that those really matter now. It has already been too late for me to undo my decision. Even if I regretted the choice I made, I still could not go after him and tell him I wish to call off that deal. My pride wouldn’t allow it.’_

_‘I see.’_

_‘It’s better to end this now anyway,’_ Byakuya said, mostly to himself. _‘Kurosaki Ichigo and I are only good at bringing each other pain and humiliation. To think that anything good can be made out of that would be preposterous.’_

_‘Then I hope you can convince yourself that, Byakuya.’_

With that said, the voice of Byakuya’s zanpakutō faded and the head of the Clan Kuchiki was once again alone in his thought.

Byakuya closed his eyes for a moment before he opened them again and headed towards his division. He didn’t know if he would be able to seal all the feelings away and go back to his unemotional self this time, but life would go on no matter what.

It just had to.

* * *

Ichigo knew training some new recruits wasn’t a part of his job’s description, yet he decided to put his lieutenant in charge of the division and lead a group of rookies out to an outer Rukongai for training. It was true that his plan earned him a skeptical look from his lieutenant, but since the man didn’t question his motive, Ichigo didn’t feel like explaining.

No one needed to know why he wanted to be away from Seireitei.

Ever since that iniquitous morning, Ichigo had tried to act as if everything was normal and yet he failed miserably. He couldn’t deny the foreign feeling he felt deep down in his heart, and even if he condemned himself to hell, it still wouldn’t change the fact that he was pining for a certain prissy black-haired, charcoal-eyed Captain Kuchiki.

If anyone had told him half a century ago that he was to feel this way for Byakuya, Ichigo would have laughed at it then wiped whoever said it out of existence with Zangetsu. After all, there was no way he could feel anything but hatred and scorn for that cold and ruthless Shinigami who had tried to kill him more than once.

But they had gone a long way from then, and things had changed so much with time. In fact, they had changed so tremendously that now Ichigo couldn’t find himself laughing at the irony of their situation.

There was nothing funny about how they had turned from sworn enemies to reluctant allies and then –

He didn’t even know exactly what had become of them now.

It was strange he even cared about what had become of them when it shouldn’t have mattered to him at all. Byakuya was just another person he liked to provoke, and he only did so to prove that the seemingly cold and unaffected head of the Kuchiki family was more human than he let on. There wasn’t any ulterior motive behind his actions, so he shouldn’t have any problem leaving Byakuya alone after he finally had his proof.

Of course, he had never expected the proof to come in a form of fervent kisses and sensual touches that rid them both of all kind of restraints and led to –

Realizing where his mind had strayed, Ichigo shook the thought out of his head.

Why was he still thinking about that man when he was out there to clear his mind so he could forget about him and everything that had happened between them? How many times had he told himself that he didn’t need Byakuya? Hadn’t he already set his mind that what happened between them would never happen again?

You’re still as pathetic as ever, eh, King?

Ichigo frowned.

It had been a long time since he heard that raspy voice. He had thought he wouldn’t hear it again after having suppressed the Hollow and put Zangetsu back in place. So why did the Hollow appeared again, and more importantly, why now?

I told you. Whenever you lose your instinct or your desire to fight, I’ll be back to crush your skull and take your crown.

_‘Shut the fuck up and piss off!’_

Sorry, but it doesn’t work that way. Thanks to that pansy ass Kuchiki, I’m getting stronger while you are getting weaker. If this keeps up just a little longer, I’ll take over and become the king myself.

Ichigo snorted, _‘Like hell you will.’_

So what’re you gonna do? Drown the inner world with that freaking rainstorm of yours, hoping that it’ll submerge me before I can take over?

Ichigo could imagine the Hollow rolling its yellow eyes to add an effect.

Go ahead and be my guest. That rain only proves how weak you’ve let yourself become. The quicker you desolate my world, the faster I’ll be out there to return your precious Byakuya a favor. So, tell me, what should I do to repay him for fucking you up so bad that I can finally take control?

_‘You won’t be doing anything to him. I’m not letting you out. Now shut up and piss off before I get in there and beat the shit out of you.’_

Ooh, protective much, aren’t we? The Hollow commented in a mocking tone. Very interesting. I guess Zangetsu was right after all. You really do harbor some feelings for Kuchiki Byakuya.

Ichigo was about to deny it and told his Hollow that the head of the Sixth Division was nobody to him, but then he stopped himself.

At this point, he could no longer say that Byakuya was just a brother of his best friend or just someone he liked to bug on a daily basis just for fun. It had gone far beyond that, and if he were to be honest with himself, the feeling had started long before Byakuya first kissed him on an impulse.

What it was and when it had started, Ichigo still had no idea, but he knew it would be futile to deny it now. He would only drown himself deeper if he refused to deal with it. The reappearance of the Hollow could only prove that much.

_‘So what if I do? What are you gonna do about it?’_

Now you’re back to your feisty self. The Hollow drawled. Very good. But that’s still not enough to make me recognize your strength again.

_‘Then I guess I have no other option but to get in there and eviscerate you.’_

You can feel free to try, but if I were you, I’d be more concerned about surviving those stupid Hollows that are about to appear just this moment than about my presence.

_‘What the hell are you…?’_ Ichigo didn’t finish his question when he was snapped out of reverie by some strong Hollow reiatsu. “Shit!”

Ichigo looked up into the sky that was now torn open by several huge skeleton hands before an Arrancar walked through that hole. Then the Arrancar was followed by numerous Gillians.

I’ll be watching how weak you are without my help, King.

The captain of the Third Division glowered. For anyone who had defeated an Espada, slaying an Arrancar shouldn’t be a difficult task. Yet since the Arrancar was accompanied by a lot of Menos, it could prove to be a problem. And to make the matter worse, his inner Hollow had to return and threaten to rebel just at that moment, which meant that when the Hollow said he wouldn’t help, it didn’t mean he would just sit back and watch, but instead, the Hollow would do everything in his power to refrain him from fighting at his full potential. He had done that once, and he was more than likely to do it again.

Glancing at the new recruits, Ichigo knew they wouldn’t be much help in this situation since they still lacked fighting prowess to hold themselves against that class of Hollow. If they were to stay there any longer, he might also have to worry about protecting them.

“All of you go back to Seireitei and get me some backup,” Ichigo commanded then added once he heard the Hollow laughing in the back of his mind, “A taichō would be an ideal.”

“But, taichō…”

“Do as I say,” Ichigo said curtly. “And hurry.”

With that, Ichigo drew out Zangetsu and headed for battle. His underlings had no option but to follow the order, knowing deep down that even if they stayed back to help, they would only be holding their captain down.


	5. Chapter 5

Ichigo panted heavily. No matter how many times he used Getsuga Tenshō, the number of the Gillians didn’t seem to decrease much, and now the Arrancar used the chance that Ichigo was busy cutting down of those Gillians to release its zanpakutō.

If the fight had been one-on-one, he would have already put an end to this fight, but since it was not, the Third Division Captain realized he couldn’t just rely on his strength alone but he also needed some sort of strategy if he wanted this fight to end quickly and in his favor.

Recalling the fight in the forest of Menos, Ichigo knew it would be best if he killed the Arrancar first since he was positive that all Gillians were under its control. That way, he would be able to wipe out the rest of the Gillians easily.

Clearing all Gillians that were blocking his path with Getsuga Tenshō, Ichigo dashed towards the Arrancar with shunpo and quickly struck Zangetsu down to its head. The Arrancar, however, parry the blow with its sharp nails.

The Arrancar then tried to claw Ichigo with its free paws. So, Ichigo jumped out of the range before he was slashed only to meet with yet another Gillian that was about to fire cero at him, but he blocked it with Zangetsu. The Arrancar didn’t waste its chance to jump close to him and kicked him in the stomach, sending him flying a few feet backward.

“Is that all you’ve got, Shinigami?” the Arrancar taunted. “What a disappointment! I wonder how Shinigami managed to win the Winter War.”

Ichigo quickly sprung back to his feet and darted towards the Arrancar, swinging his zanpakutō at all the Gillians that were in his path then slashed to down at the Arrancar, drawing some blood out of the said Hollow.

“If you were so great yourself, then why the hell do you have to bring the whole bunch of stupid Gillians with you?” Ichigo retorted.

The Arrancar jumped back and fired its own cero at Ichigo who quickly dodged only to be hit from behind by one of so many Gillians that were hovering in the sky. Ichigo hissed in pain and turned around to it away with Getsuga Tenshō.

At this rates, you’re gonna ruin our reputation and get yourself killed by that worthless shit. Just use bankai and finish them off already. His inner Hollow suggested with a distorted voice.

Ichigo rolled his eyes. As much as he hated to admit, he knew the Hollow was right. Killing an Arrancar in its full release form, even one that was transformed from a mere Gillian, was not an easy task by itself. This wasn’t Hueco Mundo and he didn’t have to save his reiatsu for later just in case he met an Espada. If he needed to end the battle quickly, he needed more speed and enhanced combat skill that was in his bankai state.

If only he didn’t need to worry about his Hollow’s threat of coup d’état.

Aww…come on. Don’t tell me you’re afraid. I’ll even promise not to interfere…much.

_‘I’m not afraid of you, so shut up.’_ Ichigo grunted. _‘Interfere and I’ll get in there to kill you regardless of what’s happening out here.’_

Then come and get me, if you can, that is.

Ichigo narrowed his eyes and ignored his Hollow’s maniacal laugh. Ichigo glanced around the area. There was no other option. He would have to use his all in this battle since there wasn’t any sign of reinforcement. At this point, he was hoping no one would come to back him up for after he finished the fight with all Hollows that were invading Soul Society, he would once again have to start an inner battle with his very own Hollow. And from what he knew from his fellow Vizards, he didn’t want anyone to be caught in crossfire.

Focusing his reiatsu while holding his zanpakutō in front of him with his both hands, Ichigo called out, “Bankai. Tensa Zangetsu.”

* * *

Captains that were gathering during their lunch break at the captains’ lounge expressed their surprise in their own ways as the shoji door was violently opened. Clearly, none of the captains would come to the room in such manner even Zaraki Kenpachi, who had disappeared in Rukongai along with his pink-haired lieutenant for the past few days. However, as soon as they spotted some unseated Shinigami bowing deeply in front of it, their surprised looks turned into death glares.

“Our deepest apologies,” said one Shinigami. “If you wish to punish us later for this interruption, we shall accept it, but we need your help first.”

It was after the Shinigami finished his line that he dared to raise his head a little to see how many captains were in the lounge and who they were.

Kyōraku was in the middle of sipping his sake. To his right, Renji was eating some sushi. Across the table was Soifon drinking her tea whereas the freaky captain of the Twelfth Division had yet to figure out where he should be seated.

“What is your business?”

The question, however, didn’t come from any of the captains who were in the room, but instead it was asked in an impassive tone from behind the bowing Shinigami. So, they turned quickly to the source of the said voice and spotted the captain who was considered to be colder than Hitsugaya’s bankai, Kuchiki Byakuya.

They moved away from the door so they wouldn’t block his path, and yet the captain of the Sixth Division didn’t move a muscle.

“I asked you a question.”

“Nah, don’t be so cold, Byakuya-kun,” Kyōraku shouted from his seat in the lounge as soon as he spotted the younger captain, “or you’ll scare them too much that they can’t speak.”

Ignoring his senior, Byakuya narrowed looked at those bowing Shinigami again, obviously not wanting to repeat himself.

Those Shinigami gulped before one of them replied timidly, “We’re from the Third Division. We were attacked by an Arrancar and some Menos Grandes while our taichō took us to training in the thirtieth district of North Rukongai. He sent us back to ask for reinforcement, saying it would be an ideal to get another taichō.”

“Then why the hell didn’t you just say so sooner?” the question came bursting from the red-haired captain who had already risen from his seat. “I’ll—”

His word was cut in the middle of his throat as Renji felt a large hand pressed on his shoulder, forcing him to sit back down. He looked at his shoulder and realized that said hand belonged to Kyōraku.

The Eighth Division Captain then turned his gaze lazily towards the recruits of the Third Division and suggested, “Why don’t you head for the Fourth Division and summon healers just in case? And don’t worry. One of us will be there to help your taichō soon, right, Byakuya-kun?”

Byakuya didn’t reply but simply gestured those unseated Shinigami to leave and do as the flamboyant captain had advised, so those Shinigami bowed again before they left. Then the stoic noble turned his gaze toward the oldest captain in the lounge as though to demand an explanation.

“Well, we’re still in the middle of having lunch and your bankai proves to be much more efficient when it comes to dealing with great number of enemies,” said Kyōraku. “It is best that you go.”

Renji broke a sweat. To him, it was as if the Eighth Division Captain had just put Ichigo on a death row, but he was unable to say anything since Kyōraku increased the pressure of his hand on his shoulder even though the man still seemed to be as tipsy as ever.

“It would appear so,” Byakuya agreed tonelessly. “Though, I must say I cannot imagine sanbantai-taichō having any problem slaying those Hollows.”

None of the captains in the room was surprised by the Sixth Division Captain’s insensate remark since they had already expected him to say something like that. Yet, if they had been more observant, they would notice Byakuya didn’t say so out of annoyance that he would need to be out in Rukongai to save the Third Division Captain but rather out of his faith in the other man’s ability.

“I can’t agree more,” the showy captain drawled. “But as much as I believe in Ichigo-kun, it would be rather heartless of us not to send any backup when he requested for one, don’t you think?”

“In that case, I’ll be on my way.”

With that, Byakuya left in his own seemingly unconcerned way.

Soon after the Kuchiki lord left, Kyōraku released his hold on Renji’s shoulder, so Renji rubbed it for a while before he turned to the older captain.

“With all due respect, Kyōraku-taichō, but didn’t you notice the tension between Kuchiki-taichō and Ichigo?”

“Oh, I noticed it all right. I attended all meetings too, you know,” replied the captain of the Eighth Division, “which is exactly why I think Byakuya-kun should go.”

“So they can kill each other off?” Renji asked in disbelief.

“That,” Kyōraku said, sipping his sake carelessly, “or they would finally make peace with each other. Either ways, the tension will end soon.”

The other two captains didn’t bother to say anything about the matter since they couldn’t care less about either Byakuya’s or Ichigo’s well-being while Renji frowned as he tried to make sense of the whole situation.

“Don’t worry, Renji-kun,” the Eighth Division Captain said as he recognized anxiousness in Renji’s eyes. “If they had wanted to kill each other, they would have done so by now. Besides, if Byakuya-kun hadn’t liked the idea, he wouldn’t have agreed to go in the first place.”

Renji nodded for he knew the older captain had a point. Still, he couldn’t help but feel like he was a tiny mushroom, being kept in the dark. He was supposed to know the situation between Ichigo and Byakuya better than anyone else did, considering how close he was to those two men, yet it was as if Kyōraku knew something he didn’t, and he didn’t like that feeling one bit.

* * *

It didn’t take long for Byakuya to arrive to where Ichigo was. He was known as one of the fastest captains, after all. And the fact that he could sense the orange-haired captain’s reiatsu from a mile away also helped him locate the man that much easier.

He was there in time to witness Ichigo shot black Getsuga at the Arrancar that was hovering in the sky and then darted towards the wounded Arrancar to deliver the final blow. Byakuya couldn’t quite tell what it was, but he felt something odd in Ichigo’s reiatsu.

Since there were only a few Gillians left to slay, Byakuya didn’t think his aid was needed. After all, the man who had defeated Espadas in his mere teen shouldn’t have any problem in defeating those lowly Hollows, and it would be an insult to Ichigo’s abilities to lend his hand when the man wasn’t in dire need.

Just as he prepared to leave, Byakuya had to be surprised when Ichigo didn’t move an inch after he finished the Arrancar off. Instead, he stood still as though he wasn’t aware of the Menos Grandes that were about to attack him from behind.

Shaking his head at how reckless the other captain always seemed to be, Byakuya drew his zanpakutō.

“Scatter, Senbonzakura.”

A thousand blades of Senbonzakura whirled in the sky before they cut away the rest of the Gillians before those Hollows had a chance to attack Ichigo.

Even then, the orange-haired captain still didn’t budge.

When Byakuya was sheathing his sword, Ichigo turned to his direction. As their eyes met, the noble Shinigami realized exactly why the insolent captain hadn’t moved an inch since he slew the Arrancar and why he felt something wrong in Ichigo’s reiatsu just a moment earlier.

Sadistic grin replaced Ichigo’s permanent scowl while he looked at Byakuya with killing intent in his black sclera and yellow irises. Within a split of a second, he dashed towards Byakuya, swinging his black katana crazily.

Byakuya’s eyes widened as he barely dodged the attack. He used shunpo to create more distance between himself and the enemy he never thought he would have to face again.

If there were anything he knew about that side of Ichigo, it would be that he barely survived even when he was using his bankai, and now that the reiatsu was even more gruesome than that first time they fought, there was no way he could stand a chance against this thing when his zanpakutō was still sheathed.

The Hollow followed Byakuya with its remarkable speed, slashing its sword down towards him. Having no room to dodge from that distance, Byakuya caught the sword with his left hand. Ignoring the pain that he felt and the blood that spilled down the ground, Byakuya pointed his right index at the Hollow.

“Bakudō 61: Six Rods Light Restraint.”

The Hollow struggled against the six wide light beams that were holding it in place by its midsection then he broke out of that restrain without much effort just a few seconds later. Yet, those seconds were all Byakuya needed to unsheathe and drop Senbonzakura to the ground.

As much as he didn’t want to hurt the captain of the Third Division, the Kuchiki lord couldn’t hold back in this battle for he knew if he did, it was more than likely that he would not live to see another day.

“Bankai.”

* * *

Meanwhile, Ichigo narrowed his eyes as he entered his inner world. Rain was pouring down heavily while storm and lighting could be seen in the far end of the inner world. Half of the world was already drowned under the water.

His other side was sitting leisurely on top of one skyscraper, holding a white Zangetsu in his hand. If Ichigo hadn’t been so serious about suppressing his Hollow again, he might have laughed at how stupid himself and the Hollow looked, being soaked in the rain.

“So you’re finally here,” the Hollow greeted gratingly. “I was just beginning to wonder if you’d really come.”

Ichigo narrowed his eyes at the Hollow but refused to say anything back since he wasn’t there to chitchat. Determination shone bright behind his eyes as he lifted Zangetsu and released bankai.

The Hollow barely got to his feet when Ichigo was in his final release form then shot him with the black Getsuga Tenshō.

“Shit!” the Hollow cried as he dodged the unexpected attack then rushed to release his own bankai so he could counter Ichigo’s relentless attacks.

Their zanpakutō clashed.

Ichigo lashed his sword at the Hollow again, so the Hollow blocked it with all of his strength. Since the Hollow hadn’t seen Ichigo that serious in battle since the Winter War, he could only think his taunting had really gotten under Ichigo’s skin this time.

The Hollow opened an attack of his own, releasing black Getsuga that was his favorite technique, but Ichigo leveled it off with his own Getsuga before he darted quickly towards the Hollow and kicked him squarely in the groin, sending the Hollow flying through the skyscraper behind him.

The King could really fight dirty if he wanted. The Hollow grunted and sprung back to action. He trusted his zanpakutō at the king who took half a step aside to evade it then stabbed him with his black zanpakutō.

A look of surprise flashed through the Hollow’s yellow eyes.

“Hell, your instinct must have gotten sharper than the last time we fought.”

Ichigo pushed his sword deeper in the Hollow’s gut before he twisted it.

“I already told you to shut up before I have to gut you,” Ichigo hissed. “That is for not doing as I command. Learn your place and disappear.”

“Not that I have any other options,” the Hollow sighed as his kimono changed color from white to black. “Do me a favor, though. Get out there and stop the bloody rain. It’s shrinking my clothes.”

* * *

The Hollow roared as Senbonzakura pierced through its skin. The wound, however, didn’t last long on the Hollow’s body since it was quickly healed by the very fast regeneration.

Byakuya didn’t waste any seconds to command several blades to stab through the Hollow’s body, only to experience a déjà vu when the Hollow pulled them out of its body and crushed into them tiny pieces with its bare hand before it lunged itself at him. Then the Hollow grabbed Byakuya’s throat and dug its nails deep into his flesh, drawing some blood down the costly scarf, while using another to form a cero.

Byakuya’s eyes became dull as the Hollow tightened its hold on his throat. He couldn’t tell which would be a more painful way to die, being shot point-blank with a cero or being wrung in the neck, yet he didn’t want to find out.

With his last strength, Byakuya mumbled, “Hadō 33: Blue Fire—”

Before Byakuya finished his chant, the steely hold on his neck was loosened then the Hollow’s skin exploded from inside out. Byakuya took a safe distance away as the Hollow’s shell broke into small pieces to reveal Ichigo standing with his Hollow mask on his face.

Ichigo swayed.

While Byakuya’s brain told him to stick to where he was and let Ichigo freefall to the ground, his body betrayed him by stepping forward and intercepting that man’s fall out of reflex. He could hear the sound of Ichigo’s mask falling off the boy’s face and rolling in the ground when Ichigo flopped into his reluctant embrace.

It seemed Ichigo wasn’t as unconscious as Byakuya believed him to be since the Vizard managed to tug at the noble’s bloody scarf in an attempt to keep his balance as he muttered wearily, “You shouldn’t have come.”

With that said, Ichigo collapsed against Byakuya once again. This time, he was really out cold. Byakuya tightened his hold around Ichigo’s waist to keep their balance so they wouldn’t fall to the ground.

The captain of the Sixth Division sighed softly as he pondered what to do with the now unconscious captain. With all the things that just happened, he should have cringed from that boy out of fear of his dark side, and yet, there he was, still holding him close as if he was afraid to let go.

His gaze was torn away from Ichigo’s head as soon as he sensed someone heading their way. He assumed they were either Ichigo’s subordinates or healers from the Fourth Division or both.

It would look ridiculous if people should see them standing in that position, so Byakuya decided to lay Ichigo on the ground, yet he couldn’t pry Ichigo’s hand away from his pricey scarf. It was amazing how tight Ichigo’s grip was even in his unconsciousness.

Not as annoyed as he thought he should be, Byakuya removed his scarf from his neck, allowing Ichigo to have it, before he gently put the man down. Then he took a few steps away and watched his own blood dripping to the ground as he waited for other Shinigami to arrive, muttering to himself, “Pain and humiliation, indeed.”


	6. Chapter 6

Ichigo wanted to open his eyes, but for some reasons, his eyelids were ridiculously heavy. He could feel slight pain in his body while he was enveloped by something warm.

What happened? And where was he?

Slowly, the memories returned to his mind: Rukongai, a fight with an Arrancar and some Menos, suppressing his inner Hollow and then…Byakuya?

Ichigo felt his heart leap. The thought of the noble alone was enough to reboot his system that he suddenly shot up and tightened his hold around the fabric he felt in his palm before he shouted the first thing that came to mind, “Don’t go!”

It was a few seconds after his outburst that his vision became clear, and his brain began to register his surroundings.

He was still in Rukongai, not far from the spot where he fought against those Hollows. However, he wasn’t standing, but instead he was lying on the ground, being healed by some healers from the Fourth Division.

It was then that he began to scan the area with his eyes in search for a certain raven-haired blue-blooded leader of the Sixth Division only to feel his heart sink when he saw no sign of that man.

Was Byakuya really there or was it just a cruel trick his mind was playing on him?

“Please lie back down, Kurosaki-taichō. You’ve just reopened your wound,” said the healer, whose face Ichigo failed to recognize.

Ichigo complied and lay back down although he was too busy feeling a pang of disappointment to feel any pain from his physical wounds. As he lay still on the ground, Ichigo slowly lifted his hand from his side, almost didn’t dare to look at it in fear that if he did, he might just find it empty, but he looked anyway.

The Third Division Captain wasn’t sure how to react when he saw a silver-white windflower silk scarf that turned brown with dry blood, so he simply stared at it as though it was the most fascinating thing in the entire Soul Society.

A longing look reflected in Ichigo’s brown eyes as he tightened his hold on the light fabric.

He would never be able to understand how Byakuya’s mind worked no matter how hard he tried. One day the man said he never wanted to see his face again and did everything in his power to push him out of his life, but then the next, he appeared out of nowhere to aid him when he was in need and possibly got himself injured while doing so.

A very small smile crept up on Ichigo’s face.

He might not understand why Byakuya chose to disappear before he could even thank him or why the man left behind the one thing that would prove his presence there, but he didn’t need to understand those now. The only thing that was important was that Byakuya had just provided him with a reason to seek the man out once again, if for nothing else, then to express his gratitude. Whether the arrogant patrician did so out of his full intention or not, Ichigo knew better than to waste that opportunity.

* * *

It was almost the end of the work-hour when Byakuya tried to channel his attention toward the paper he had hand over to the Commander General by the next day, yet his mind kept wandering elsewhere, and the sound of the dojo being rebuilt in the background could only make it harder for him to focus.

Byakuya put his ink brush down on a small stand next to an ink stone then closed his eyes for a moment.

It had been seven days since the dojo was blasted in a duel between him and Kurosaki Ichigo, two days since he went into Rukongai to assist that man just to be wounded by that man’s inner Hollow. Yet, to Byakuya, it felt as though he had been in this mess for much longer than that.

Now he was stained, both physically and mentally, and he had no one to blame for his agitation but himself.

Although that was the closest thing the noble had to being relaxed, he had to open his eyes soon after he closed them for there was a soft knock on the wooden door of his office.

“Enter.”

The wooden door was slid to the side to show a Shinigami Byakuya recognized as one of his seated officers.

“Pardon my interruption, taichō,” the Shinigami said, bowing deep. “Kurosaki-taichō is in the front room. He requested to see you in private.”

If the Shinigami looked at his superior in the eyes instead of keeping his gaze fixed on the wooden floor, he would have noticed a light that flashed behind Byakuya’s slate grey eyes and the way the noble’s face lit up if only for a short moment before his expression returned to its normal blank look.

Byakuya bit the inside of his lower lip, cursing his heart for the way it betrayed him by beating faster at the sound of Ichigo’s name. He hated the effect Ichigo had on him even after he had decided it was best to seal his feelings away. Why was it so hard to stick by his own decision?

Knowing that his subordinate was still waiting for his response, Byakuya cast his thought aside.

“Ask him if his business is urgent. I have an important work to finish, and I don’t think I will be able to get it done shortly.”

“Yes, sir,” the Shinigami replied before he bowed and left, closing the door behind him.

Byakuya sighed softly before he gingerly ground the ink on the ink stone, forming a small pool of ink just enough to dip his brush down then started writing again.

Although it was true that he really had to work to finish, it still didn’t help the fact that anyone with half a brain would interpret his reply as a cold rejection, and Ichigo wasn’t so stupid not to get the message. If he knew Ichigo, which he liked to think he did, the Vizard would either stomp out of his division with anger or bust into his office within the next couple of minutes to get what he wanted, and somehow, Byakuya didn’t know which option he preferred.

He didn’t progress much with his paperwork when the door was knocked once again, and since he knew Ichigo would never enter his office in such manners, Byakuya didn’t bother to lift his gaze from the paper when he remarked, “Come in.”

The door was once again opened in a slide, and the same Shinigami who had been there to inform him about Ichigo’s request bowed in front of the door.

Although he already assumed that his subordinate was only back there to inform him that Ichigo had left, Byakuya still needed to ask, hoping his voice wouldn’t betray any trace of disappointment.

“What did he say?”

“Kurosaki-taichō said that he would wait for as long as it took, sir.”

The Kuchiki lord was astounded. Kurosaki Ichigo, one of the most impatient men he knew, had decided to wait. The action caught Byakuya off guard, and now it left him curious as to why the Vizard wanted to see him. Surely, it wasn’t something trivial for it wasn’t like Ichigo to waste his time waiting if that was the case, and yet, if it was something crucial, he could just say so, and Byakuya would have no choice except for meeting him without stalling.

“In that case, bring him some tea,” Byakuya said after a long consideration.

The Shinigami took it as a sign to leave so he bowed again before he left to do as he was told. Once his underling had left, Byakuya narrowed his eyes. Once again, his mind was distracted from work, this time by the question of what kind of game Ichigo was playing.

* * *

Ichigo sat on a floor of the Sixth Division’s front room, studying the pattern of the tatami mats for there was nothing else better for him to do in that empty room. The cup of tea that was brought to him a moment earlier by one of the Sixth Division’s Shinigami was left cold and untouched by his side.

He couldn’t tell how long he had been waiting there, since he had been too busy trying to calm his nerves to pay attention to the sunlight that gradually became dimmer. His heart would race every time he heard footsteps coming near the room, but then it would soon sink back down when no one opened the door and entered it. Obviously, the working hours had been over and all Shinigami were heading away from their division.

The thought of barging into Byakuya’s office sounded more appealing as time went by, but something told him that it wasn’t the best idea at that moment. After all, infuriating the man would only divert them from the subject he wished to speak. Besides, he could use a little more time to rehearse what he was planning to say once the man was there.

He hadn’t really noticed how dark the room had become until the fusuma door was slid to the side to reveal a silhouette of a man he had been waiting to see. Ichigo felt a pitch in his stomach as the man closed the door behind then moved to light all oil lamps that were placed above lamp stands at each corner of the room.

Ichigo took the chance that Byakuya was still lighting the lamps to take a look at the man.

While his posture and his expression remained as cold and stoic as ever, the noble seemed tired. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that his left arm was hung in a sling with bandages wrapped up from his hand to around his neck.

“No wonder it takes you so long to finish your work,” Ichigo voiced his thought aloud, cutting the awkward silence. “I’m amazed you can work at all.”

Byakuya turned to Ichigo after he lit the last lamp then walked to sit down with some distance from the Vizard. It was then that Ichigo took note of how the famous headpiece and scarf were not in place. It was rare to see the noble without those two accessories that indicated his status, but apparently, Byakuya wasn’t capable of putting them on himself yet too proud to ask for help.

It was the fourth time he saw the man without them, and something deep down told him he might have caught Byakuya at the right moment. After all, it was usually when those things were missing that Byakuya would be less poised as if he had dropped some masks.

“I don’t have other options. As you already know, tomorrow is the deadline for all taichō to turn in their recommendation for any Shinigami to be promoted. It would not be fair if some names were missing from my list because I allowed my personal matter to get in the way of my work.”

Ichigo raised his brow at Byakuya’s comment and he just couldn’t stop himself from saying, “Yeah, try telling that to Rukia.”

As soon as the word slipped out, Ichigo regretted saying it, if not for the fact that he had said something that could start another unwanted dispute then for the fact that Byakuya seemed to be more withdrawn after his sister was mentioned.

“I’m sure you’re not here to discuss Rukia’s advancement in the Gotei 13, Kurosaki-taichō, for if that was the case, you came to the wrong division.”

While Byakuya’s tone didn’t betray any sign of anger, Ichigo couldn’t help flinching at the cold and impersonal way the noble had just addressed him. It made him feel as if they were worlds apart even though they were sitting face to face.

Sighing, Ichigo hoped he hadn’t just ruined all chance at civilized conversation with Byakuya by making a stupid mistake and saying something he shouldn’t have said.

“You’re right. I’m not here to talk about Rukia,” Ichigo remarked. “And I haven’t been waiting all this time just to pick up a fight with you either.”

“Then why are you here?”

The orange-haired Vizard thought of using the Arrancar incident as his excuse, but he knew the current situation didn’t allow him to beat around the bush. He was never good with words, and he just proved that point when his attempt for a small talk ended in a disaster, so he might as well just be blunt.

“I miss you.”

Byakuya’s eyes widened, seemingly taken aback by Ichigo’s solemn declaration. Concern flashed through those charcoal eyes as they gazed Ichigo carefully.

Having already predicted what kind of comment would come from the leader of the Sixth Division, the brown-eyed captain cut him off with a gesture of his hand.

“I know you’d probably think I’m under an influence of some drugs they gave me at the Fourth Division, but I’m not,” Ichigo remarked. “And to prove I’m not just joking either, I’ll say it again. I miss you, but that’s not the main reason why I’m here. I’m here because I have something to say to you, and if you still want me out of your life after I’ve finished saying what I have to say, then I’ll go and I won’t bother you again. All I’m asking is for you to hear me out.”

Ichigo paused for a moment to see Byakuya’s reaction.

The man seemed to be contemplating his options, but after a short while, he nodded slowly, signaling Ichigo to continue.

“I’ve been thinking, a lot, about what’s happening between us,” Ichigo said calmly after taking one deep breath. “I’m not gonna say that I know what’s become of us. I’ll even admit that I was afraid. Actually, it frightened me to the point where I agreed to stay out of your life, thinking it’d be easier that way. But then I realized how wrong I was to think I could solve my problem by pretending that everything was fine when it wasn’t. We can’t go back to where we were before all this happened. We can’t just go back to hating each other’s guts. At least, I can’t anyway. So it makes me think that maybe walking away isn’t an answer. Maybe we ought to walk down that path and see where it leads.”

Byakuya closed his eyes and sighed softly.

“Surely, you did not just suggest you wanted to start something with me.”

“What if I did?”

“Then I must ask you what you are hoping to gain. Isn’t it already clear to you we cannot make each other happy? We’ll always be at each other’s throats. I won’t be surprised if one day we’d pick up our katana and try to kill each other. Can you honestly say it is what you want?”

“Do you think I haven’t already known that my life would be better off without you?” Ichigo returned. “I’ve been around long enough not to have blind optimism.”

“Then why do you keep coming back?”

“Because I’m not a kind of guy who takes an easy way out just because he’s afraid of the consequences of his actions,” said Ichigo. “I hate the ‘what ifs’. I’d rather do something then apologize about it later than do nothing and spend the rest of my life wondering what it would be like if I did something different.”

Byakuya opened his eyes and gave Ichigo a weary look.

“If you need to satisfy your curiosity about what it would be like to be with another man, I’m afraid I cannot help you in that matter,” said the noble. “Unlike you, I have a name to carry and an image to live up to. I cannot afford to be careless about the consequences of my actions.”

Ichigo narrowed his eyes as he snorted.

“Funny. That’s exactly what I thought you’d say, and you know what I think? I think you’re just using that as an excuse to hide under your shell. So for once, would you stop giving a damn about what the rest of the world want and concentrate on what  _you_  want? It’s one thing if you hate me and want me out of your perfect life, but it’s another if you want me but keep pushing me away because you’re a coward.”

The vibrant Vizard knew he had hit Byakuya’s nerve when the man winced slightly.

“What are you afraid of?” Ichigo asked softly. “Why do you keep walking away?”

A minute went by and there was no sign that the raven-haired Shinigami would answer those questions.

Ichigo couldn’t help feeling dejected and sigh softly.

“Very well then, if you can’t answer those questions, I guess there’s nothing left for me to say.”

With that said, Ichigo moved to stand up. While he might not have a pride or an ego that was as big as Byakuya’s, he still knew it was the furthest he could go. He had given his best, but it just wasn’t his place to force Byakuya to do what the man didn’t wish to do. If the noble refused to meet him halfway, then he had no choice but to accept it. There was no point in trying to pursue someone who could never return his feelings.

Before he stood up, Ichigo paused for a moment before he dug into a huge sleeve of his kimono and pulled something out of it.

“I might as well just return you this,” the Vizard remarked as he placed a white silk that was neatly folded down in front of Byakuya. “I already have it dry-cleaned. At first, I thought I’d keep it, but I don’t need a reminder of something I’ve lost.”

Ichigo then stood up and headed for the door. After he slid it to the side, Ichigo paused at the door for a slight moment, inwardly hoping for Byakuya to say something to stop him, but when nothing came, he closed his eyes and sighed.

“I guess this is our last goodbye, Byakuya,” Ichigo said sadly. “Thank you for your time. I won’t be back to bother you again.”

Then Ichigo stalled for another moment, waiting for Byakuya to say something, even if that something was a final farewell, but nothing came.

Just as he was about to give up and step out of that door, he heard a flat voice, cutting through the silence of the night.

“You asked me why I kept walking away.”

Ichigo paused but didn’t dare to turn around to look at the man.

“I hate it,” Byakuya continued, hesitation showed in his voice. “The feeling of being left behind. The pain I felt when I opened myself up just to be betrayed by those I cared about.”

Ichigo loosened his grip on the fusuma when he asked, “Is this why you turn your back on people? So they can’t turn their backs on you first?”

“It’s easier to push them away before they had a chance to hurt me. In that case, they will be out of my life before I care too much about them and end up with heartache. I guess now I’m more used to pushing people away than letting them in, and I can’t change that. Perhaps, in a way, I really am a coward.”

“Byakuya…”

“If you want to leave, by all means, go,” the headstrong noble remarked with finality. “I will not stop you or ask you to stay. That way, you’ll only stay out of pity, and pity, like other useless emotions, doesn’t last long. In the end, you’ll wind up leaving anyway.”

The Vizard took a careful moment to contemplate his options.

What made him to think hard was no longer the question of whether or not he wanted to leave whatever happened between Byakuya just the way it was, for he already knew he didn’t. However, it was the question of whether he was ready to pay the price of what he was after.

With a deep breath, Ichigo slid the door and moved.


	7. Chapter 7

A cool breeze blew gently into the dimly lit room where Byakuya sat with his eyes cast downward to the scarf that was laid on the floor in front of him. He had just exposed the weakness he had been trying to hide to Ichigo, and now he lacked willpower to look at the said orange-haired boy.

The Kuchiki lord was torn between a part that wanted to agree with Ichigo and give them a try, believing that somehow it might work out, and a part that told him they could never be happy together so it was best to let the man go before he could fall any deeper. On the one hand, he knew he didn’t need the Vizard, so the quicker that man left, the sooner he would be able to go back to his peaceful yet lonesome life. Yet on the other, he didn’t want that man to leave, and he silently prayed Ichigo wouldn’t go.

The moment Byakuya heard the door sliding and clothes rustling, he felt his heart break. He had no doubt Ichigo had walked away. After all, there was no reason for the Vizard to stay when Byakuya didn’t say anything in order to stop him, and worse, he might have pushed him farther away unknowingly.

Byakuya closed his eyes. Even if he had expected Ichigo to leave, it was still painful to know that the man had really gone.

He had his chance. That much, the Sixth Division Captain knew. Though he couldn’t figure out why, Kurosaki Ichigo had implied that he wanted to start something with him, and yet he let that chance slipped through his fingers.

Now the man was gone, and he couldn’t blame Ichigo for that. After all, it was a surprise that the young Shinigami captain managed to put up with him that far. Still, it didn’t change the fact that for the first time in a long time, Byakuya wished he had lowered his pride and acted upon his feelings.

The Kuchiki lord bit his lower lip so hard he could almost taste his own blood. If he had been a lesser man, he would have allowed his shoulders to sack, but he was Kuchiki Byakuya, and Kuchiki Byakuya couldn’t permit his emotions to get better of him even though there would be no one to witness it. It was too late to regret the things he didn’t say or do. Even if he was broken on the inside, he still needed to hold his head high and acted like nothing bothered him.

Just as Byakuya thought about getting up and leaving the room, he heard a soft question that made him jump in surprise and forget about his serene façade if only for a short moment.

“If I promised not to leave, would you promise not to keep pushing me away?”

Quickly, Byakuya opened his eyes and looked up. He couldn’t conceal his astonishment when he saw that Ichigo had yet to leave. If he were a type to act on impulse, the Sixth Division Captain would already wipe his eyes to make sure that they weren’t deceiving him and that the orange-haired man he saw wasn’t just a hallucination. However, since he had been trained to have so much self-discipline, all the Kuchiki noble did was staring dazedly at the much younger Shinigami.

Their eyes met and Ichigo asked again, “If I were to stay, would you give me a chance and let me in?”

Byakuya was speechless. All he could do was holding his gaze on the determined Vizard as he walked back towards him and then sat down when he was right in front of him.

Shouldn’t the man have left already? Shouldn’t he have realized by now that he deserved more than Byakuya could ever give, that a man like him could find someone else that would make him happy? Why would Kurosaki Ichigo, of all people, still bother with someone who could not even admit his own feelings when he said it himself that he knew his life would be better off without the said someone?

Byakuya blinked as he quickly shook the daze out of his system.

“Why?” asked the raven-haired Shinigami. “Why would you want to do that?”

Ichigo gave Byakuya a look that said that he too had no answer to that question.

“I don’t know.”

“That’s not an answer.”

Ichigo stared at Byakuya with his eyes narrowed. Apparently, the calmness that he temporarily possessed had already left him.

“Goddamn it, Byakuya, do you need to know a reason for everything? Can’t you just be satisfied that I stay because I want to?” Ichigo burst out. “Sometimes I wonder why you always have to make things difficult and try to make sense of everything instead of just accepting that something just doesn’t have reasons – like why the sky is blue, why the sun rises in the east or why I’m still fascinated by you when all you ever do is driving me crazy.”

Byakuya looked at Ichigo for a considerable amount of time. He knew Ichigo’s questions were rhetoric and didn’t need any answers. However, he realized the situation required him to say something, yet he didn’t know what to say except, “The reason the sky is blue is because—”

The impatient Shinigami grunted in annoyance and cut the noble off midsentence by capturing his lips with a kiss that was fueled by fury and frustration.

Byakuya’s eyes were widened as he reflexively propped his uninjured arm behind him to keep his balance so he wouldn’t fall down. The rational part of him screamed that he should shove Ichigo off or at least hold himself back since kissing wasn’t going to solve any problem, yet Byakuya ceased to care when he felt Ichigo nip at his lower lip. His heart raced and he realized just how much he yearned for the other man’s touch.

No longer able to deny the intense desire that was elicited by the heat of raw emotions, the noble shut his charcoal eyes and returned the kiss with an equal amount of passion, matching the Vizard frustration with his own.

It was after a low moan was heard that they both pulled back, coming to their senses. Neither realized whose moan it was, yet at that moment, it didn’t seem to make much difference.

Ichigo stared at Byakuya with his hazy eyes as he moistened his swollen lips. There was a trace of challenge in the man’s hoarse voice when he said after he regained his normal breathing, “Tell me it isn’t what you want.”

A stubborn part of him wanted to tell Ichigo just that, but Byakuya couldn’t lie, not after his action had betrayed him. So all he could do was looking at anywhere but into Ichigo’s eyes and keeping his silence.

“Why are you still fighting it? Is denying yourself pathological with you?” Ichigo asked. His voice coated with despair. “Just this once, can’t you stop thinking and follow your heart for a change?”

The head of the Kuchiki family closed his eyes for a moment as he tried to collect his thoughts, which wasn’t an easy thing to do considering his heart rate and all stirred up emotions.

“Because I don’t know what you’re after,” Byakuya replied truthfully then he sighed and asked the question that no matter how hard he tried to figure out, he couldn’t seem to find a logical explanation, “Why do you still bother with me after all this? Surely you can find someone else that can make you happy the way I can’t.”

“You’re right. I could find somebody else if I wanted to,” Ichigo agreed. “But I don’t want anybody else. I want  _you_ , Byakuya, even if you make my life miserable. It’s not like I’d do much better without you anyway.”

The captain of the Sixth Division looked at the captain of the Third Division for a long time, studying the man’s expression. The sincerity that shone in his eyes and the seriousness of his voice when he said it made it impossible for Byakuya to pass Ichigo’s word up as a joke, yet his sense of self-preservation stopped him from taking it too seriously.

Ichigo stared back and it seemed he could read Byakuya’s doubt and hesitation somehow.

“I never joked about feelings, and I’m not gonna start now,” noted the Vizard. “I don’t know how, when or why I came to feel this way about you, but those days away from you have been hell for me. It was almost as if I couldn’t function properly, and if I could choose, I’d rather not repeat that experience.”

“What you feel is just a craze,” Byakuya countered. “It’s either that, or your competitive side just wants to crack my façade and prove to yourself that nothing is unattainable for you.”

The way Ichigo stared at Byakuya with his mouth hung slightly opened in shock would be considered funny if they weren’t in such a predicament.

“Is that what you think?” Ichigo demanded in disbelief. “How the hell can that idea even cross your mind? If all I wanted was to know what it’s like to be with another man, I could save myself a lot of trouble and go find someone who has that orientation, but I’m not interested in any random guys. Only you make me feel this way, and it’s not because I want to satisfy my competitive side like you accused me of. Shouldn’t I already be off to brag about having done it with Kuchiki Byakuya instead of being here if that was the case? Get to your fucking senses, and don’t you dare act like you know what I want better than I do!”

Despite having fought with the man for so many times he had lost count, Byakuya was still stunned by the rage that flared up in Ichigo’s reiatsu. He had never seen the boy that serious or that angry in any fights.

The orange-haired Shinigami took a moment to close his eyes and take some deep breaths to calm his fury for he knew it wouldn’t get him anywhere unless he wanted to start yet another bloody fight with the nobleman.

“It’s true I didn’t ask for any of this, and it’s true I said my life would be better off without you,” Ichigo noted softly after he had suppressed his anger. “But I know now that without you, my life would be so dull or even empty. I want you, Byakuya, and not anybody else. I’m sure of that now. I want you in my life no matter which way you’ll have me. So, please, stop pushing me away.”

The dark-haired noble blinked. Was he hearing things or did Kurosaki Ichigo, the prideful and confident captain of the Third Division, just use a pleading tone?

“I know you’ve been hurt before,” the Vizard continued, feeling the urge to goad the noble a little more as the man had yet to say a word. “And I understand that you’re probably scared to get hurt again. Hell, anybody would. I won’t blame you if you want to keep me at arm’s length, but I’ll ask you to reconsider. We don’t live in the past or in the future, but we live in this moment. It’s one thing to learn from the past and be considerate about the future, but it’s another to let them take complete control of how you’re going to lead your life.

“I wish I could tell you what’d happen in the future. I wish I could guarantee you it’d work out between the two of us, but I can’t. All I can say is that I’d rather have something and then lose it later than never having it in the first place.”

Byakuya looked at Ichigo in awe. He never expected something like that to come from the imprudent Vizard, and yet it seemed Ichigo could talk if he wished to.

What the man just said made his thought wander briefly to his late wife and the bittersweet memories she left behind. If he could turn back the clock, would he choose not to meet and fall in love with her or would he still love her regardless of the consequences?

Byakuya’s expression was softened as he had his answer.

Ichigo had him there. In fact, if Byakuya were to be honest, he would have to admit that the man had him since the second he walked back into that room and that Ichigo wouldn’t need to say anything to get him to change his mind and comply with what he wanted. It seemed there was something about Ichigo that Byakuya couldn’t resist. After all, it wasn’t the first time that he found himself losing a debate against that boy or the first time Ichigo undid his decisions for him, and somehow, the Kuchiki noble knew it wouldn’t be the last.

Normally, he would find that fact disturbing, but now, he just couldn’t bring himself to mind as he realized it was probably that trait that drew him most to Ichigo. After all, it wasn’t every day that someone would stand up to Kuchiki Byakuya without being intimidated by his name or reputation, much less make him have a second thought about any of his decisions.

Meanwhile, Ichigo studied Byakuya with several emotions flickered behind his amber eyes and started to fidget after a long moment of silence.

“Damn it, Byakuya, I practically bared my soul out to you, so can you please stop sitting there like you’re an ice statue? It’s nerve-wracking,” Ichigo said, disrupting Byakuya’s train of thoughts. “Just say something even if it’s that you think this whole thing is a mistake and that you want me out of your life.”

With that said, Ichigo looked at Byakuya with a mix of hope and fear in his eyes.

Byakuya found it ironic that Ichigo should think he would still be able to reject him despite everything that happened. Shouldn’t he have already known by now how much power he held over him? The Kuchiki lord almost chuckled as he just realized that he had been too caught up in his own insecurity to see that perhaps he held that same kind of power over the Vizard as well.

While he didn’t think there were any other ways to interpret Ichigo’s word, there was still one last thing that Byakuya needed to know.

“Are you sure of this?”

Even though he probably still felt unsure on the inside, Ichigo managed to give Byakuya his trademark scowl as he returned with a hint of annoyance in his voice, “Would I still be sitting here if I weren’t?”

For a long moment, they sat in silence, staring deep into each other’s eyes as if to study each other’s feelings. Byakuya could see a flash of anxiety in Ichigo’s eyes and he remembered he had yet to say anything to assure the younger man that he wanted the same thing.

While he knew he should say something, he knew he had never been good when it came to expressing his feelings. Not to mention, he never dreamed Ichigo would have that kind of feeling for him and only thought he would face with rejection, so he never prepared any word to say for the current situation. So, instead of searching for words that probably wouldn’t come out right, he decided it would be best to let his action speak for him.

Slowly, Byakuya leaned towards Ichigo and pressed his lips against the Vizard’s with tenderness even he forgot he was capable of. All disapproving thoughts once again arose within the back of the noble’s mind, but he silenced them and allowed himself to take in the lightheartedness and peace he hadn’t experienced in a long while.

For a moment, Byakuya wondered why he had been fighting it for all that time, yet he let all thoughts flee from his mind as soon as he felt Ichigo’s fingers tracing his face experimentally. There would be more than enough time to do all the thinking later. At that point, he simply wanted to savor the moment.

Neither of them was certain how long time had passed until they pulled back for air. The noble Shinigami pressed his forehead against the younger man’s before he opened his charcoal eyes only to see that Ichigo had already looked at him with questioning look.

“Does that mean I have you now, Byakuya?”

For the first time in a long time, a small smile graced the noble’s normally stoic face.

“Yes, but,” Ichigo cringed when the word ‘but’ was uttered. “Just for your information, Ku—” Byakuya paused to correct himself, “—Ichigo. I tend to be very possessive when it comes to the people who are dear to me.”

Relief was clearly written in Ichigo’s expression while his permanent scowl broke into a genuine smile as he noted Byakuya’s choice of words and the way the noble called him merely by his given name for the very first time since they knew each other.

“Possessive, huh?” Ichigo drawled and moved to close the small gap between their faces. Just before their mouths met, he whispered, “I think I can live with that.”

If there were still any traces of doubt and fear left in their hearts, they seemed to be melted away by the second Byakuya chuckled into the kiss.

Deepening the kiss and pulling Ichigo closer, Byakuya knew his time for running and hiding was over. It was time he came out of his emotional shield. He still realized there would be many obstacles waiting for them down the road and that not everybody would agree with their newfound relationship, but somehow he believed they could cut through all obstacles together, literally and figuratively. He couldn’t care less if people were to say what they were doing was wrong.

After all, he had already decided. If what they were doing was wrong, then for once, he didn’t want to be right.


End file.
